Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
