Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
