These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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