I hate your face
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
