what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
