you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
