Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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