so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
