i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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