At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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