24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
