i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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