I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
