I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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