she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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