Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
