i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
