Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
