Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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