my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
