Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize