who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
