I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
