WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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