8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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