No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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