I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
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YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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