i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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