I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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