wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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