Kiss
Puke
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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