Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
