I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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