and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
