At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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