my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
