I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
