she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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