In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize