My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
