Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
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I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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