I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
