Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
