Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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