I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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