i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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