drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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