Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
