her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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