I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
