it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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