I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
