bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
