YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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