So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
