Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
