you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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