Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
