sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
