note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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