just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
