my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
