mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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